Only our Moon and the star Sirius will shine brighter than the new solar array being launched into space today. Once the wacked-out astronauts float around in outer space for a few days unfolding the 17 tons of solar panels and the thing is turned on, there's going to be a super-bright man made star in the sky. Weird. I hope the astronauts are equipped with supertectonics engineered "Vulhume Dampeners" to counteract "electro-static arc." Otherwise, we could have a potential situation on our hands.

Today at the health club I made sure to lock my locker. Unfortunately, I locked it with somebody else's lock. Biz Stone, Genius. I had to break up a group of tattooed guys in the freeweights section so I could ask the health club employee if he could cut "a lock" off my locker. He ran upstairs, returned with industrial strength cutters, braced himself against a bench, and snipped the lock right off. The old guy to my right looked at me and proclaimed, "That's the quickest way to do it." Funny thing to say, but oddly reassuring to me at the time. Tomorrow I think I'll use MY lock, not the one I see on the bench when I come in. I knew I should have bought the purple one at Rite Aid!

My office view. We work in the "fashionable" garment district in New York City. There's a guy downstairs near the coffee shop that sells pants for $2. People say New York is expensive but two dollar pants, that's pretty cheap.

Check out the Celebrity Mug Shot Gallery. Frank Sinatra was arrested for "seduction." C'mon.

Total Recall came on a few days ago in the morning. It was near the part when they are fighting on the huge, outdoor elevator thing. I couldn't leave until I saw the guys arms ripped off and Ahnuld say, "See you uht da paghty Richtah!" But he never said it! The whole sequence was deleted because it was TNT. So now I keep saying "See you uht da pahty Richtah!" over and over again and during conversations because it wasn't purged from my system. I'll have to rent Total Recall.

See you uht da paghty Richtah!

The best thing to do is leave the moon alone. But, if we're gonna go there, we should develop tiny robots with simple programming that work together like termites to take care of some of the groundwork. Just an idea.

I just ordered James Brown's Funky Christmas. One of the songs is called, "Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto" and its a James Brown original. It is a little known fact that James Brown is a Highlander. There can be only one!

I just received my dictionary.com word of the day. malaise (muh-LAYZ) 1. A vague feeling of discomfort in the body, as at the onset of illness. 2. A general feeling of depression or unease.

Don't eat the malaise sauce, as it may make you sick.

There is no such sauce. Although I may have used the word incorrectly in the sentence, it is, after all, a sentence – deserving of the same rights attributed to any other syntactically independent grammatical unit. A sticky issue I know, but nonetheless one that we all must consider. Carry on!

I love anything with the word "Manifesto" in it and I'm always inclined to side with anyone who suggests that we "overthrow the bourgeoisie." Blogma2001 demands a "return to entries with good content." and although I may not always point you in the direction of aforementioned good content, I am nevertheless a Genius and I am proud to offer you elucidation far beyond mere "redirective exomedia." ¡Viva Zapata!

Cool! I'm gonna get a crazy new Guru-robe. I'm going to be royalty swathed in towel-like material. Thanks!

I'm almost there! If two more people sign up to Guru.com, I get a big, fluffy bathrobe. I can use the bathrobe according to it's suggested specifications, OR I could become Gotham's first comfy vigilante -- The Terrycloth Terror! I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Eliades busted his guitar strings twice last night but that was great because it lead to a very impressive Maracas solo. I didn't think that would be possible but it was great! It sounded like two rattlesnakes performing the little known ancient Cuban cave dweller's homeopathic ritual known dialectically as "Chi Chi Shh." Always good to hear that!

I'm going to check out Eliades Ochoa tonight at Irving Place. It's gonna be a jam-fest an I have a cold. I'll have to consider wearing my impermeable cloaking shroud to ensure maximum comfort. I don't know, we'll see how I feel later. As you were.

If you're gonna snack while you watch Dune here's some advice. Do it right away or wait until AFTER the Baron is dead and gone. Otherwise, you run the risk of eating while witnessing huge nasty boils purged of biohazardous lymph. Not a favorable situation to be in. I lived through it even though my snack of choice was, unfortunately... SOUP!

I've said it before and there's no shame in saying it again. It's fun to make up fake band names. For example: Ricky Lime and the Swizelsticks, Rudy Kulhaywick and the Anteaters, Lotta Lemmon and her Lolly Pops. There's no need for them to be clever or funny. Here's a realistic sounding one: William Ash and His Fancy Five. See? Nothing extraordinary, just your standard fake band name. For extra fun, do the band AND the place: Wishfull Wayne and the Washtubs Live at Spuds and Suds - This Friday Only. Hours of diversion. Several hours, no need to be bored.

This site is great. You can manipulate the faces of Bush and Gore so they look like freaky old men. If you make their white collars really tall they look like Edward Gorey drawings! I love Ed Gorey!

When the grocery store doesn't carry taco shells and you have to decide between flour tortillas and corn tortillas -- go flour unless you're an expert. Trying to turn raw corn tortillas into shells requires lengthy thermonic convection techniques which is fine if you're not hungry. If you choose to ignore this advice you also run the risk of creating comical, Dalí-esque, architecturally flawed "shells."

According to my secret remote sensor log the next president of the US is not going to be Bush OR Gore. It will be a benevolent puppet dictatorship governed by the strong caring hand of a matriarchal group of anonymous, heavyset Mediterranean women who reside in an undisclosed locale near the sea. Viva la Kalamata!

I'm tired. Go to bed.

My review of ePicture Pro is up at Web Review. Also, a guy sneezed all over the buttons in the elevator today, I may take the stairs later.

This art store is great. I haven't shopped online with them yet because the New York store is near my apartment but the store is fantastic. So much better than Pearl!

I finally saw Planet of the Apes last night. It was the only sci fi I could find that I hadn't already seen. The cover of the DVD displays a derelict Statue of Liberty so the whole illusion that we're on another planet was lost for me. But that's okay because I still got to see Charlton Heston smacked around by his simian superiors.

While many accept that a Blog is a "Sonorous Viking belch indicative of a satisfying meal," and a Weblog is merely a child's rendition of same, my friend John still asks the question, What is a Weblog? He's persistant like that.

The other day I woke up too early so I watched a show about bear maulings. A scientist had survived and was describing how he could hear the bear eating his leg. The bear was totally uninterested in anything covered by fleece. Officials shot the bear and figured out later that he was starving to death because he had grown up eating from a recently closed dump. Good to know about the fleece though. Gotta get some fleece pants so I can be impervious to bear attacks!

Checked out the New York Halloween Village Parade on the SCIFI channel last night even though I live in the Village. It was badly covered and Susan Sarandon snubbed the stars of Farscape and Invisible man even though they came all the way from Australia and San Diego. I also tried to watch the true story of Dracula. Apparently Dracula was a nice young soap star who was unfortunately misclassified as a murderous demon. I think I'll stick with the Mummy, he gets results.