May 31, 2000
I used to have a neighbor who performed a strange ritual near her window. Wearing a g-string and appearently checking for unwanted lipidular-matter, she would slap the "area in question" repeatedly in front of her mirror. This occured frequently between sessions on a treadmill and I sometimes wondered if I was going to be billed.
May 29, 2000
May 27, 2000
May 25, 2000
May 24, 2000
May 22, 2000
I got my hair cut today at "Great Cuts". I sat there for a while silently, then I thought I'd chat so I said: "My nose hair is starting to grow outside my nostrils." The girl cutting my hair didn't respond right away. Why did I think that was a good thing to say? Weird. I gave her a big tip.
Here's an idea for a superhero. Phase Man! He has total molecular control of his body so he can basically pass through anything at will like a ghost - but only if he wants. He can be solid whenever he wants. In that manner, he can hang from a ceiling by the soles of his boots and surprise the bad guys! I have it all worked out... Genius!
May 21, 2000
May 20, 2000
May 19, 2000
My little sister got braces yesterday. She wouldn't show anybody. She said she was gonna stay home from school (high school, freshman year). I asked her which she would rather have, braces or a crew cut. I had to explain what a crew cut was. She opted for the braces. Did that help? Probably not!
May 18, 2000
May 17, 2000
I saw a show about ants last night. Crazy. Basically ants are way better than humans except smaller and sometimes way nastier. There are ants that practice animal husbandry but they never kill their cattle. There are also ants that enslave other ants to be giant nasty obese pods of nectar so that they can harvest from them when they hit lean times. So ants are like humans only they don't leave a huge wake of destroyed earth and make 1.2 kazillion tons of garbage a year. When we're extinct ants will probably still be rubbing each other with chemicals.
May 16, 2000
May 15, 2000
May 13, 2000
May 11, 2000
May 7, 2000
Donna Shirley, former manager of the Mars exploration program at JPL on why Mars Climate Orbiter and Polar Lander both choked... "It was just a death of a thousand cuts. At every single one of those points, I would say this is not good. At every point, headquarters would say it's just a little thing.'' I'm with ya Donna. I'm with ya.
Livia's parents also have a cat that brings leaves home in his mouth and lays them down as a fresh kill. The wierdest thing is that sometimes he brings back actual chicken sandwiches as if he hunted them down and killed them. There must be a neighbor somewhere that keeps missing their lunch.
May 6, 2000
I saw Gladiator today. Russell Crowe just wanted to get back to his house. I feel like that sometimes too. Bruce Willis just wanted a nice cup of cappuccino in Hudson Hawk but he kept having wacky adventures. I hate creepy little wussy pervy emperors who cry and have people executed and want to get it on with their sisters.
May 5, 2000
Livia's parents have a cat that is over twenty years old. It weighs 6 ounces. It has bad breath. I think it might be trying to commit suicide by sneaking under my foot every time I take a step. But the craziest thing is that it SCREAMS really loud. It doesn't "meow", it screams like an angry old man - repeatedly and for long durations. Sometimes its funny and I laugh. Other times I yell back.