I used to have a neighbor who performed a strange ritual near her window. Wearing a g-string and appearently checking for unwanted lipidular-matter, she would slap the "area in question" repeatedly in front of her mirror. This occured frequently between sessions on a treadmill and I sometimes wondered if I was going to be billed.

I don't think I'll write anything in my blog today. I'm too busy and don't feel like it. Eye-ronic.

I'm taking a bus to Tennessee on Friday. Did I just say that? Am I really doing that? Weird. I'm actually going to Tennessee. On a bus. Geez.

I had to stand up in the cafe car almost all the way back to Boston. I think the cafe car attendants are androids and they're only programmed with five "folksy" jokes each. Actually, I thought they were pretty funny, but then, I'm of anglo-droid heritage.

I'm in New York as promised. There was suspicious amount of German travellers on the train ride with me. I've got people looking into it.

I'm going to New York today because I'm a big-time super important guy and various other important people need to consult with me on matters of extreme importance.

I got my hair cut today at "Great Cuts". I sat there for a while silently, then I thought I'd chat so I said: "My nose hair is starting to grow outside my nostrils." The girl cutting my hair didn't respond right away. Why did I think that was a good thing to say? Weird. I gave her a big tip.

Here's an idea for a superhero. Phase Man! He has total molecular control of his body so he can basically pass through anything at will like a ghost - but only if he wants. He can be solid whenever he wants. In that manner, he can hang from a ceiling by the soles of his boots and surprise the bad guys! I have it all worked out... Genius!

I had an art teacher in high school who claimed to be able to levitate four feet from the ground - but only when nobody was watching. I have the abiltiy to shrink myself down to the sub atomic level and play basketball with protons, but I haven't really had a need to do it.

I bought some new earphones for my "walkman". They were three bucks at the hardware store and they had orange ear fuzzy thingies. The last two times I went running the damn "walkman" got stuck on a lame station and wouldn't turn off.

Changed the location and re designed. When you work for secret government agencies like I do, you gotta mix it up every once in a while. The Iranian movie was great. It's called "The Color of Paradise" if you want to check it out.

Tin Can Joe and the Flat-tops. Gonna go check out a nice Iranian movie today. Hit the showers.

The freekin geocites pop ups are killin me. I'm gonna put my blog somwhere's else and redesign it so its lame.

Going to see Jay's dad, Fred in The Odd Couple tonight. Its being perfomed at the "Cinema Pub" in Stoughton. Jose Carreras might stop by and sing a few. I'll let you know.

My little sister got braces yesterday. She wouldn't show anybody. She said she was gonna stay home from school (high school, freshman year). I asked her which she would rather have, braces or a crew cut. I had to explain what a crew cut was. She opted for the braces. Did that help? Probably not!

Its fun to make up fake 50's musical group names... Joe Dice and the Lucky Sevens, Lady Pink and the Pink Ladies, Bobby Bee and the Soxers, Lou Voodoo and the Black Magic Orchestra. Try some, its great fun and it'll keep you sharp - like back in 'Nam!

I saw a show about ants last night. Crazy. Basically ants are way better than humans except smaller and sometimes way nastier. There are ants that practice animal husbandry but they never kill their cattle. There are also ants that enslave other ants to be giant nasty obese pods of nectar so that they can harvest from them when they hit lean times. So ants are like humans only they don't leave a huge wake of destroyed earth and make 1.2 kazillion tons of garbage a year. When we're extinct ants will probably still be rubbing each other with chemicals.

Nice weather we're having. All the ads on tv are for canada and burger king. Something may be going on... Maybe we'll read in the papers tommorrow that canada is using burger king to make americans fat and useless so they can swoop down on their horses and take the nation.

"You're too darn smart to be so dog gone dumb" - Eddie "Cleanhead" Vinson.

Still alive. Cool. I guess I can get back to work then. Shasta la vista baby.

When I was little, I used to have a reoccuring dream that a giant wave was gonna wipe out the whole schmear. Then I read an ap news article yesterday about some kind of giant crack in the sea floor. We're all gonna drown in a tsunami! Bust out the life boats!

Donna Shirley, former manager of the Mars exploration program at JPL on why Mars Climate Orbiter and Polar Lander both choked... "It was just a death of a thousand cuts. At every single one of those points, I would say this is not good. At every point, headquarters would say it's just a little thing.'' I'm with ya Donna. I'm with ya.

Livia's parents also have a cat that brings leaves home in his mouth and lays them down as a fresh kill. The wierdest thing is that sometimes he brings back actual chicken sandwiches as if he hunted them down and killed them. There must be a neighbor somewhere that keeps missing their lunch.

I saw Gladiator today. Russell Crowe just wanted to get back to his house. I feel like that sometimes too. Bruce Willis just wanted a nice cup of cappuccino in Hudson Hawk but he kept having wacky adventures. I hate creepy little wussy pervy emperors who cry and have people executed and want to get it on with their sisters.

Livia's parents have a cat that is over twenty years old. It weighs 6 ounces. It has bad breath. I think it might be trying to commit suicide by sneaking under my foot every time I take a step. But the craziest thing is that it SCREAMS really loud. It doesn't "meow", it screams like an angry old man - repeatedly and for long durations. Sometimes its funny and I laugh. Other times I yell back.

How about this for an idea... Wiffle Accessories. Wiffle Mitt, Wiffle Bases, maybe even some kind of wacked-out wiffle hat. Genius! Maybe even better than my almost-patented Heated Butter Knife idea. Hit the showers!

What's up team? Hows everybody doing this morning? Good? Great. Okay, hit the showers.